Dana Wade, Coach
Trusting God With Our Relationships
If you’ve lived long enough you’ve probably learned just how difficult stewarding relationships can be. I’ve learned from experience that God will put you with the people you need and not necessarily with the people you want. So trust him if you haven’t gotten there yet.
We are all complex human beings. Our pasts are complicated and our present circumstances can be complicated too; not to mention the complications of living in uncertain times.
We are all inundated with news and information all day and all night and we weren’t made to live like that. God put Adam in a garden-not grand central station and he quickly realized it wasnt enough for Adam to be surrounded by beautiful things and beautiful creatures. He needed others.
“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”” Genesis 2:18 NIV
We need people. We weren’t made to live in isolation. And Adam didn’t just need people, he needed a specific person, and so do we.
Yet the times we live in don’t often allow us the luxury of garden living so we must find ways to commune with God and with others.
Something has to change in our generation and we are the ones responsible for that change. We live at a pace that’s not conducive to love, true life or real intimacy. People are the greatest treasures we have on this earth yet do we properly value them?
I believe we were all put here to learn what it means to be truly human. Are we even aware of what that means?
Learning how to recognize God’s hand in this most important piece of life requires us knowing His Word and cherishing all humans-whether we are in relationship with them or not.
Now I’m not saying I’ve arrived at any permanent conclusions in my quest to be truly human other than...
….not committing to a relationship comes with regrets of it own.
It’s the slowing down part that’s the key to understanding who these people are.
Intentional garden living is where we need to start. Asking God to show us the weeds in our hearts, and then doing our part in digging them out with him so we can allow him to show us who he desires to plant in our garden with us.
Weeds prevent good seed from growing so weeds have to go.
Weeds like selfishness, pride, distrust, anger or, resentment.
If we would just slow down and ask God one simple question we could save ourselves a lot of trouble.
Did you plant this person in my garden or did I?
I’ve learned that God can redeem all the relationships even those not of his choosing but it might cost us something in the end. God has a purpose for people when he plants them in your life so learn to slow down and ask him-what’s your purpose for this relationship?
If we don’t know the purpose for a relationship then that probably means we planted them and not God.
Even The One’s God Plants- Are Tough to Steward
You see it’s not just enough for you to do your part. Others are involved. You can do all the right things -well for the most part you can -yet they may not. Relationships are hard and complicated, even the God one’s are. And it’s not always up to you whether the relationship is successful or not. The only saving grace is that you’re not responsible for fixing them or helping them do their part. That’s their process to work out with God on their own. And don’t forget to factor in that God may remove them when He knows things you don’t.
People make choices too and it’s not all up to you.
Now that right there really liberated me when I figured that out.
I use to always take on the responsibility for a failed relationship, but I stopped doing that when God showed me that sometimes we hang on to what He himself is trying to tear apart.
Relationships are never just about us. And it’s never just about the other person. It’s about everyone that’s connected to each of us. So we MUST trust and seek God for all our relationships.
It’s not just us that are in a process with God-we all are, so that’s why some people stay and some people go. It’s not random with God. He knows who we need and who we don’t. And that may change from year to year or season to season. Because who we are connected to matters in our life processes with God.
But because most of us were never taught to view people this way we end up learning lessons the hard way.
And because we’re all taking this life course together, we’re unfortunately figuring it out on each other. Sigh…..
Relationships are hard and require a lot of love, patience, and forgiveness; not to mention grace and mercy. And depending on our past experiences in relationships we may not always have it in abundance to give.
The older I get, the more I realize the wisdom of God’s Word. Here’s just a few:
“Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”” Matthew 22:37-40 NIV
Notice the divine order:
and love ourselves.
We have to do all three if we are to fulfill this commandment. We can’t just love God and hate others. We understand true love when we look at Jesus. He laid down his life for all people-Not just for the people who loved him back. This requires a special kind of love for relationships.
The scriptures have help guide me in governing my relationships -especially when I’m struggling.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 NIV
Or this one:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:3-7 NIV
Make yourself nothing? Oh my I have a long way to go with this one… help Lord.
The key for me is keeping my focus on Jesus and obeying what he has already said in scripture.
The problem I run into is when he says a relationship is over. I’m still learning to be okay with that in some cases.
How about you today? God showing you someone right now that needs forgiveness? Or is he showing you someone you need to let go of? Often those relationships he keeps highlighting to us are the ones that needs attention on our part. God knows best-and you trust him to show you how to properly navigate your relationships with kindness and love-even when they end.
Don’t give up dear ones, we’re all in this together.